Review: Love in a Headscarf by Shelina Zahra Janmohamed
Title: Love in a Headscarf: Muslim Woman Seeks the One
Author: Janmohamed, Shelina Zahra
Length: 288 pages
Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir
Publisher / Year: Aurum Press / 2009
Source: Borrowed from Carina
Rating: 4/5
Why I Read It: I was running out of reading material on vacation, and it sounded interesting.
Date Read: 10/04/12
What would it be like to agree to an arranged marriage? In this book Janmohamed takes us along with her on her journey to find love through the arranged marriage networks of her community. Through this we experience her faith, culture, and desires and the ways in which all of these interact.
Janmohamed is a Londoner of south Asian background and her culture as well as her Muslim religion have much to say about love in all forms. After agreeing that she would like to find a husband through the network of friends and relatives, she embarks upon a journey that changes her view of love and of relationships, as well as that help her grow and mature in her own life and faith. Along with her on the journey, we get to see the ways in which this search for ‘the one’ enriches her life in ways she couldn’t begin to imagine.
On page 97 she says:
I found this process amazing. It gave you access to the most instinctive behaviours of another person and then allowed you to see your own unmediated response first-hand. The raw humanity of addressing the issues of spending life together made it the ultimate learning experience.
And it is so true. The process she describes is one where families together take it upon themselves to search for someone kind, respectful, full of faith, and more that will allow two families to mesh together. The lack of pretence or games means that every action counts in a way that it doesn’t with casual dating – instead of overlooking flaws you stop wasting your time and move on. You talk about goals and dreams and fears. I’ve always thought it would be better if life were always like that and you could be upfront about expectations and desires – for example, if one person eventually wants to live in the country on a farm and the other is a city dweller through and through, no matter how much they may like each other, one will have to give up their dream. It seems to me that this process of looking for one whose dreams and goals can mesh with yours is a sensible way to at least start a search for a relationship, and that it is always important to talk about these things.
She discusses as well the difference between religion and culture, and the ways in which culture has set up so many rules and pressures that are no where in the Islamic religion, and the importance of sifting through and finding what is true and what is not in terms of religious requirements. She says on page 135:
Such contradictions finally forced me to understand that faith and culture were completely separate, and I would have to learn to deal with them as separate things.
Although I am not Muslim, I still found much to admire and learn from in Janmohamed’s story of love and how it relates to religion. Her path is one that many would like, I think, to tread – coming to know yourself better and having family and friends there to support you in your search, but one that many are distracted from. I think anyone interested in religion, in love, or in relationships would really enjoy this read.
I have always been really interested in how arranged marriages are worked out, and think that you make some really interesting points about how one’s family can help to find a mate without the fear of having to settle for something less than desirable. I might like to read this one. There is so much here that interests me, and so much that I could probably learn from this one. Excellent review today! I loved the thought that went into your exploration of the subject!
The book definitely touched on a lot of topics. I don’t know if I got everything in it, but it was a fun read zibilee and I feel like I learned quite a bit.
I actually know someone who has an arranged marriage and he has some powerful arguments for it. This book sounds interesting.
That’s really neat Kathy that you have a personal experience with it!
Great review! I am not sure if she ever consciously made the choice to have her friends/family look for a husband for her. To me, it seemed to be the default option for her, as it often is for Muslim people of South Asian background. (Maybe it’s just my reading of it?) It isn’t until she’s much further into the process when she starts looking herself; i.e., creating an online profile, registering with the local mosque, etc.
However even when she is looking on her own, her family is still intertwined with the process and ceaselessly respects and supports her lengthy search. It was great to see how honest she was with herself, her family, and her suitors.
Oh, and thanks again for lending it to me
That’s a good point Sarah, it probably was more of a default though of course I would just assume choice. I really loved the honesty as well, and the fact that everyone was so honest about it with her as well. Seems useful!
I read this early last year and I thought it was honest and good. culture and faith is definitely different. I read this and can see the virtue of arranged marriage.
My review is here:
http://bibliojunkie.wordpress.com/2011/01/15/love-in-a-headscarf-shelina-zahra-janmohamed/
Thanks for the link JoV! Off to check out your review – glad you also enjoyed.
I watched a great indie movie about this topic! It’s called Arranged; I highly rec it. Anyway, I’m curious abotu this book; I can see the value of arranged marriages.
Ooohhh thanks for the recommendation, sounds really good Eva.